whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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