I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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