Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
