Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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