ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
