Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
