Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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