Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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