Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
