Fuck appropriateness.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
