I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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