so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
soo... how was my night?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
