I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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