Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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