A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
