Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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