Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My bed smells like the plague
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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