I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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