I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
