handjob tips. give me some.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
