True but thats because hes a fetus.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
