Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
