It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
