He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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