Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
