dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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