This is not my ceiling
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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