My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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