Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
