Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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