i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
