I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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