they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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