Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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