for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
DRUNK COOKIES
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