Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
