i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
