your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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