You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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