There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
