Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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