Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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