be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
