how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
