His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize