i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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