So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
