i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
