Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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