I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
