i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
