I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
