I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
