You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
