Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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