totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
