I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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