Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
