What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
