dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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